Jason Hasselkus

I sat down last night to catch-up on my neighbors out in Coto, and couldn’t have been happier with what I saw. Well I mean, I appreciate Bravo making the rest of Orange County feel so smart, and giving me one hell of a laugh. So let’s get to the best stuff. First off, Jo the one that keeps stringing along that terribly pathetic Slade guy decides that all of a sudden she has talent and wants to be a singer. Ok, so I listen to my fair share of music, and probably wouldn’t be considered a music critic, but baby, you aint got talent. K-Fed is going to sell more CD’s than you are, any day of the week. Gavin, Slade’s son might have a chance in the music industry because he can play an instrument, but Jo, she’s got cameras following her around so it makes for good TV, not a good listening experience.
Ok, so on to the next bimbo, and that would be Vicki. The best part about Vicki is that she’s secretly jealous of everyone. Seriously this is one of the neediest ladies I have ever seen. She may be a good business person, but when it comes to common sense, it’s just not there. Vicki decides she’s going to go visit her college age son in Boulder, Colorado and “surprise” him. The best part is that she came on game day, you know the day you sit around with you college buddies drinking beer and smoking joints, yeah that day. Should she have been shocked when he told her he didn’t care for the surprise? Actually for Vicki, yeah she should have been a little taken back, she really isn’t that smart. But like all good needy women she went into the bedroom and cried until her son came and got her, well actually his girlfriend and friends had to go first, but still he came. But maybe she was actually crying because her son is an arrogant, spoiled little baby who isn’t going to make it very far once he has to get off his mom’s tit.
Then there is Tammy, the newest of the wives. She’s dating again, and the father of her young son pretty much begged for her back. She wasn’t having any of that, so she picked up and moved on. Of all the ladies, she’s probably the best looking and by far the most down to earth. Not much else there, she’s just living the Coto life, good for her.
Jeana had a birthday, Matt didn’t show up and she pretty much talks like their marriage is over. Oh well, I think they both have enough in their lives to be happy without the other one. However, it was Jeana who had the most surprising announcement of the last few weeks. Maybe this was already said before on another episode, but back in 1980, she was in Playboy. Yeah that’s right Playboy, the magazine with all the hot naked ladies. That means 27 years ago she was hot. She admits to having, you know, enhancements. But they showed a picture of her, and 27 years and 60 pounds ago she wasn’t bad looking. No wonder Matt isn’t interested, he use to have a hot wife, now he’s got a lady that takes better care of her car than her body.
Then there is Laurie, remember she’s the one that was rich, then got divorced and was poor, and now she found the richest single guy in Coto and made herself love him. Laurie is having problems with Ashley her 21 year old daughter. Ashley is living in the townhouse all by herself and wants to be an “OC Angel”. So the Angels are the vision of Lou Knickerbocker, Tammy’s ex-husband. He’s got this new drink that extracts water out of the air and the girls of the OC Housewives are the models for this drink. Regardless if it’s a little sick that these young girls are models, they just aren’t cute enough to sell the product, but that’s another story for another day. Laurie now has this big change in attitude since she’s got a hold of someone else’s money, and it doesn’t make her seem like such a whinny Coto wife anymore. I’m sure she’ll get there, but right now Bravo is doing a good job of not showing us that side.
So next week the gates are closing for this season, and it looks like the show promises to be pretty good. If I watched the previews well enough, Jo gets dumped and fight might break out between them at a Bravo party. So tune in to be turned off by Orange County’s most famous silicone sweethearts.